Clio has made the interesting conjecture that she and I might be NeoCons. I have read the article in question and, while it is true that I can recognize some areas of congruence, I believe I am something else. As much as I respect the fine work done by so-called conservatives south of the 49th, I have to bear in mind that their ancestors did a very bad thing in 1776 when they began the rebellion to tear themselves from the bosom of the greatest civilization in the history of mankind, the British Empire. Had they remained loyal a few more decades, political evolution would have produced a transatlantic English-speaking super-nation that would have kept Europe in check (no Napoleons, Bolsheviks, Nazis or postmodernists), abolished barbarity around the globe more completely and be, even now, colonizing the outer planets.
No, I cannot look to a nation of republicans and rebels for inspiration. I must look instead to the Canadian beaver (Castor canadensis) -- industrious, creative and pragmatic, yet a fierce fighter when cornered. I am a BeaverCon.
What is a BeaverCon?
A BeaverCon:
Values tradition and urges that any necessary change be like beaver love-making: slow and consensual.
Despite valuing tradition, would abolish the Canadian Senate in a split second and make the generations of superannuated Liberals who have fed at this trough pay back every penny
Despises social engineering, the Charter, and any phrase that contains the words “equity”, “diversity” or “proactive”
Thinks that Human Righs Commissions are unconstitutional and undemocratic
Likes some gun control but not too much
Likes socialized medicine but when it doesn’t deliver the goods is willing to consider reforms
Likes American super-powerdom but is willing to show them where they have crossed the line into bullying
Still believes Canada owns the Alaska Panhandle and, should the US show any weakness, would also grab back Washington and Oregon and readjust the New Brunswick border in our favour
Likes the monarchy but can’t stand the royal family (except the Queen, God bless her.)
Welcomes immigrants and refugees but only if they are of economic and social value to the country and are willing to absorb Canadian culture. All those who are unwilling to leave their ancient quarrels at the border or who think Canadians should adopt sharia, female genital mutilation and other splendid customs from Back Home are welcome to take their custom elsewhere
Loves local hockey, the CFL and curling; can’t be bothered with the NFL or the NHL until it returns to Winnipeg and Quebec City (but not Hamilton until they change the name of Copps Arena)
Knows they are called “chips” dammit, not “French fries”, and you put vinegar on them!
Realizes that the world needs more peace-making these days than peace-keeping and is willing to fund a military force that can help defend civilization and our own territory
Knows that the world will always be a dangerous place and that we can no more expect the United Nations to make it safer than we can expect local criminals to be defeated by the Debating Club
Knows who George Grant is
Believes that "O Canada" is an anthem for wusses and longs for the return of the proudly chauvinistic "The Maple Leaf Forever"
Thinks we should take St Pierre and Miquelon from the French. Who’s going to stop us? [Cue "The Maple Leaf Forever"]
Posted by at December 30, 2002 03:30 PM