News that the Bloc Quebecois has won a record number of seats in La Belle Province (motto: "We Resent") and that Monsieur Duceppe feels that this brings his captive people a step closer to sovereignty has not saddened any of us in the Castor household. Loyal readers will know that, in Dexter's opinion, the sooner the homeland of Celine Dion, Brian Mulroney, the Mohawks of Oka and Lucien Bouchard casts itself loose from the bounds of federalism the better. On that happy day the most corrupt, left-wing, isolationist, irreligious, nicotine-addicted part of Confederation will be given its own sandbox to foul and a robust, unhyphenated Canadianism will be possible at last.
True, we will miss the Montreal Canadiens and our national hockey team will be the poorer for the absence of the likes of Mario Lemieux but what else will we regret? What about the cuisine? I confess a certain fondness for poutine, maple mousse and tourtiere but I urge you to consider this: what do we really know about what goes into French-Canadian food? The sinister side of Quebec cookery was revealed to me this week when I asked for a Google translation of a website featuring recipes from that province. Look at what their fancy French names turn out to be when rendered into English.
Some might take a chance on "pouding with cranberries with the vapor" or "hiding-place with eggs" but are there anglophone bellies stout enough to dine on "boiled of ox salted with the pastes"? "Scallops with the furnace?" "Hare hot-water bottle?" Perhaps. But consider the cannibalism exposed in: "Ragoût of wolf-sailor"! What kind of debased people eat "ragout of legs" or commit sacrilege by munching on "sections of pig stuffed with St-Jean-of-Matha"? And dear heaven, what would lead a person, even a Quebecois, to dine on his own relatives in "grandfathers with the cornflowers", "brioches the made-to-order of the good moms" and (worst of all) "grandfathers of grandmother"? Yecch. Where is PETA when you need it?
Posted by Dexter at June 29, 2004 01:43 PM