I love Cameron Diaz, who first caught my eye as a night-club dancer in The Mask. When I am emperor of the known universe I shall enlist her to serve as one of the more favoured of my concubines. Though she will be an ornament in my harem she will be absolutely forbidden to speak on politics. Here's why, in an excerpt from her appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show:
Ms. DIAZ: We have a voice now, and we're not using it, and women have so much to lose. I mean, we could lose the right to our bodies. We could lo--if you think that rape should be legal, then don't vote. But if you think that you have a right to your body, and you have a right to say what happens to you and fight off that danger of losing that, then you should vote, and those are the...
Ms. WINFREY: It's your voice.
Ms. DIAZ: It's your voice. It's your voice, that's your right.
What's in a word? Plenty if that word is "genocide". Should the murderous activities in Sudan's Darfur region be so labeled then political entities such as the United Nations and the European Union are legally bound to act, instead of merely expressing their profound disquiet. That is why no one, except the United States, has used the g-word. Even Canada has decided to study the situation further before committing themselves to use such an important combination of three syllables.
But, soft! Who is this who so loudly urges action, despite the lack of official sanction? Why it is Mr Kofi Annan, Secretary-General of the United Nations, who recently deplored the invasion of Iraq which he characterized as illegal because it lacked U.N. backing. Now he poopoohs such trifling legalities, saying: "No matter how the crimes that are being committed against civilians are characterized or legally defined, it is urgent to take action now."
He is quite right, of course. The world must act to stop genocide in Sudan, particularly because it failed to do in Rwanda when Mr Annan was personally in charge of such things. However, no one cares to step in and do the heavy lifting because it is so much easier to deplore atrocities than to risk lives and money for some far-off foreigners. The USA might have been willing but the Americans are tied up at the moment elsewhere and are keenly aware that they received no world credit for overthrowing two bloody tyrannies in Afghanistan and Iraq. It look like innocent Africans are out of luck again.
Alert readers of the article below will be prompted to ask where other science-fiction figures stand on the 20004 election. We all know that manly sci-fi heroes such as Captain Kirk or Han Solo would be firm Bush supporters but there is suprising news coming out of the Klingon community.
A story in Portland's Willamette Weekly Online has this stunning revelation:
Even as John Kerry struggles to establish national-security credentials nationally, an exclusive WW straw poll shows his campaign dominating one skeptical, warlike demographic: Klingons.
The poll, conducted when the DVD release of the Star Trek fan documentary Trekkies 2 attracted Portland's Klingon community to Tower Records on Southeast 102nd Avenue, may spell trouble for President George W. Bush.
The incumbent has staked his campaign on the war on terror. But those who speak the language of the Trek warrior race--known to disdain dishonor, or quvHa'ghach--seem alienated by Iraq and other issues.
According to the poll of eight local Klingons, a whopping 75 percent support the Democratic nominee.
Two Klingons polled--or 25 percent--said they planned to write in Satan.
Bush scored an abysmal zero percent in the poll.
"A good war is based on honor, not deception," says K'tok (Earth name: Clyde Lewis), a 40-year-old Klingon from Lair Hill. "The first warrior, President Bush, deceived us all with this war."
Portland Klingon speakers are increasingly influential. Last year, Multnomah County's mental-health services opened a search for a Klingon interpreter to work with speakers of the language.* Though the Klingons polled all appeared to be registered voters, they emulate an unfamiliar political system.
"On the home world, if there had been a contested election between Gore and Bush, the honorable thing would be for Gore to kill Bush," explained Khraanik (Earth name: Jason Lewis), a 38-year-old from Southeast Portland. "Or the other way around. And then ascend to the head of the High Council."
It's too early for Kerry to chill the ceremonial bloodwine, but Portland Klingons are clearly warming to the cerebral Massachusetts Democrat.
"Kerry has shown his prowess," says 33-year-old Neqha (Earth name: Eric King) of Tigard. "He saved his fellow warrior under the gun, and has been commended and awarded medals."
Neither the Bush nor Kerry campaigns were immediately available for comment on the poll results.
A culturally-insightful blogger has identified the prototype of Democratic presidential John Kerry as the prissy android C-3-P0 from "Star Wars". Check out this list of Threepio quotes and see if you can't spot the uncanny similarities:
- "I really don't see how that's going to help. Surrender is a
perfectly acceptable alternative in extreme circumstances. The Empire
may be gracious enough..."
-"We'll be destroyed for sure! This is madness! We're doomed."
-"Hey! You're not permitted in there! You'll be deactivated for sure! Don't you call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease!"
-"Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking about? I'm not getting in there! I'm going to regret this."
-"How did we get into this mess? I really don't know how. We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life."
-"Where do you think you're going? Well, I'm not going that way. It's much too rocky. This way is much easier."
-"What mission? What are you talking about? I've just about had enough of you! Go that way! You'll be malfunctioning within a day, you nearsighted scrap pile! And don't let me catch you following me, begging for help, because you won't get it!"
-"No more adventures! I'm not going that way."
-"That malfunctioning little twerp! This is all his fault! He tricked me into going this way, but he'll do no better."
-"Protocol? Why, it's my primary function, sir. I am well versed in all the customs."
-"No, I don't think he likes you at all. No, I don't like you either."
-"It wasn't my fault, sir! Please don't deactivate me! I told him not to go, but he's faulty, malfunctioning. Kept babbling on about his mission."
-"I suggest a new strategy, R2: Let the wookie win."
-"Help! I think I'm melting! This is all your fault!"
Fans of the beleaguered Canadian telecommunications company Nortel must be wincing these days as news of its connection with the Chinese police state is getting more public exposure. In 2001 activists began complaining about Nortel Networks' contribution to human rights violations in China, by helping the country overhaul its ageing surveillance technologies. State of the art voice-recogntion technology developed by Nortel is helping the Chinese Communist dictatorship (Motto: Over 1 Billion Repressed) crack down on pro-democracy dissidents, underground Christian churches and the Falun Gong. Articles entitled Canada, Nortel and China: Dancing With the Devil and Dungeons and Dragons have recently brought our country's foreign-policy hypocrisy into sharp focus. While Liberal cabinet members wring their hands over the humilating prospect of having to join the USA in continental security, our diplomats cheerfully assist the world's largest genuine tyranny in becoming more efficient at monitoring its citizens every move.
Another troubling aspect of this: our tax laws require a large proportion of registered retirement investment to be made in Canadian companies. Given the small size of our capital market this means that millions of Canadians are virtually forced to hold stock in Nortel. Let's hope the survivors of Tienanmen Square are in a forgiving mood.
Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day so grab a saucy wench, hoist a tankard and sail to Portobello on the dawn tide.
Faithful readers will remember the case of Kerri Dunn, the California professor who faked a hate crime last March by attacking her own car and spray-painting slogans that were attributed to racists. The alleged outrage sparked breast-beating and mass meetings before witnesses came forward to finger the prevaricating psychologist.
She has been found guilty of a misdemeanor count of filing a false police report and two felony counts of attempted insurance fraud and could be sentenced to 3 1/2 years in prison pending psychiatric assessment.
The best one-column explanation of American foreign policy ever written.
Among the suggestions for John Kerry's new campaign slogans:
-"I will keep our enemies guessing, too."
-"Projecting American strength through intricately complex nuance."
-"Fear not, America, I have deigned to lead you."
-"The next time America is attacked, I promise to open up a carafe of whupass."
-"I have three words for George Bush--bring it on."
-"I have five more words for George Bush--call off your on-bringers."
-"Restoring America's seat at the global popular table."
-"Some look at things as they are and say, 'Why?' Others look at things as they are not and say, 'Why not?,' and I suppose a few might look at things as they are not, and say 'why?,' and vice-versa, and so forth, and one might be tempted to look at these people looking at things and ask 'Who?,' but this would not be constructive, because the important thing to realize is that some people like to look at things, and this is precisely my point."
It was clear during the past few years that Paul Martin would do anything to become Prime Minister. Hustling the loon Chretien out the door, demonizing his opponents, fibbing up a storm to the Canadian electorate was all in a day's work for the ambitious plutocrat.
But having achieved office only through minority status, he now finds he must conjur up daily miracles merely to stay in one place (i.e., 24 Sussex Drive). How to satisfy greedy provincial leaders in front of the television cameras and fulfill his pledge to "fix Medicare for a generation"? It appears that the usual Liberal trick of throwing billions of their subjects' dollars at a problem was not going to suffice this time. Oh, make no mistake, billions WOULD be spent but that was not enough -- each province (i.e., Quebec) would be allowed to cut a separate deal. Grateful for this example of "asymmetrical federalism", Jean Charest announced that the megabucks he got from Ottawa would not necessarily be spent on health care but would help reduce taxes in Quebec.
Separatists instantly saw the the logical consequences of Martin's fecklessness. As the Montreal Gazette reports:
“Premier Jean Charest got a pat on the back from an unexpected source yesterday for his performance at this week's federal-provincial first ministers conference.
Former premier and arch-separatist Jacques Parizeau praised his federalist successor for getting a deal at the conference that gives Quebec special status in the Canadian health-care system.
"Jean Charest did a good job at this conference," Parizeau told reporters at a sovereignist meeting where he promoted his new plan for moving Quebec toward independence without first holding a referendum on the issue.
Parizeau said the new deal Charest struck on health care is in line with initiatives by previous Quebec governments to dissociate Quebec from shared federal-provincial programs.
"I think he's been efficient in developing something that has existed for 40 years, since (former premier) Jean Lesage," Parizeau said. "Jean Lesage, of course, went very far. He removed Quebec from 29 shared- cost programs in one shot."
At the time, Parizeau was a senior bureaucratic adviser to the Lesage government and a leading architect of such initiatives as the establishment of Quebec's provincial pension plan, separate from the Canada Pension Plan.
Parizeau said the trend has been maintained by subsequent Quebec governments, citing the special deal Quebec reached years ago for a measure of control over immigration and over control of labour training programs.
"It's an old behaviour for Quebec governments," Parizeau said. "All Quebec governments have little by little, program by program, differentiated Quebec from the rest of Canada . This time it was the turn of a certain number of health services, and Mr. Charest did good work."
He suggested instead that without perhaps intending to, Charest advanced the cause of Quebec separation from Canada.
"Everything that allows Quebec to differentiate itself from the rest of Canada is in the right direction," he said. "I hope this continues until finally the ultimate objective that I, like many others, pursue."
Faithful readers will know that Dexter was once a big fan of all things Spanish: Spanish movies, Spanish history, Spanish music and dance, Spanish Christmas celebrations. And then along came the cowardly capitulation to Islamic terror after the bombing of the Madrid train station and Dexter's manly brow furrowed in anger and pain. Further reason to be disgusted with modern Spanish sensibilites are seen in two recent stories:
1. Authorities in Spain seem to have given Muslim extremists free run of their prison. Any country which has suffered at the hands of these fanatics and still allows them to decorate their cells with pictures of Osama bin Laden has lost its way and its sense of self-worth.
2. A Spanish socialist newspaper makes light of 9/11. This ad showing a before and after shot of the New York skyline reads "You can do a lot in a single day; just imagine what can happen in three months."
In a speech to the National Baptist Convention John Kerry told his listeners that George Bush had refused to play the part of The Good Samaritan and was, in fact, one of those "false prophets ... in sheep's clothing" that the Bible warned us about. Indeed, Matthew 7:15 says: "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. "
While he was leafing through the Good Book for partisan material, Mr Kerry might have paid attention to the words of Jesus a few verses earlier in Matthew 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, `Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Or he might also have profited from Jesus' parable in Luke 18 about the Pharisee who was convinced of his own righteousness. He stood up in the temple and and said: "God, I thank you that I am not like other men --robbers, evildoers, adulterers --or even like this tax collector." But it was the tax collector who beat his breast and said "God, have mercy on me, a sinner" who went home justified before God.
It is in poor taste and theologically dangerous to go before a religious audience and claim to be holier than your opponent. At least, it is if you believe in the God who said: "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
A BBC article on a scientist who suggests that the first settlers in the Americas were Australians.
Garrison Keillor on Republicans:
The party of Lincoln and Liberty was transmogrified into the party of hairy-backed swamp developers and corporate shills, faith-based economists, fundamentalist bullies with Bibles, Christians of convenience, freelance racists, misanthropic frat boys, shrieking midgets of AM radio, tax cheats, nihilists in golf pants, brownshirts in pinstripes, sweatshop tycoons, hacks, fakirs, aggressive dorks, Lamborghini libertarians, people who believe Neil Armstrong’s moonwalk was filmed in Roswell, New Mexico, little honkers out to diminish the rest of us, Newt’s evil spawn and their Etch-A-Sketch president, a dull and rigid man suspicious of the free flow of information and of secular institutions, whose philosophy is a jumble of badly sutured body parts trying to walk. Republicans: The No.1 reason the rest of the world thinks we’re deaf, dumb and dangerous.
Garrison Keillor, in the same article, on unintentional irony:
This is a great country, and it wasn’t made so by angry people.
According to the Globe and Mail, notorious left-coast jewel fancier Svend Robinson has applied for readmission to the Law Society of British Columbia. The Globe accordingly asks its readers to vote as to whether he should be permitted to do so. Astonishingly, as I write this, the poll is 2-to-1 against. Considering that results of yesterday's poll of preferences in the American election were Nader 55%, Kerry 34% and Bush 11%, this speaks of an immense reservoir of hostility toward the smug son of Sodom.
Though I live only for the day when Svend Robinson is dipped in pitch and ignited as a patio light at my Nobel Prize acceptance party, I am reluctant to deny him any way to make an honest living. True, Svend has consistently shown a contempt for the law over the years, self-righteously breaking it whenever he felt his principles were higher than those of the Canadian state, but can we imagine that he (or anyone short of Charles Manson or Jean Chretien) is morally unfit to join an association of LAWYERS?
One thing I have learned about the presidency is that whatever shortcomings you have, people are going to notice them -- and whatever strengths you have, you're going to need them. These four years have brought moments I could not foresee and will not forget. I have tried to comfort Americans who lost the most on September 11th -- people who showed me a picture or told me a story, so I would know how much was taken from them. I have learned first-hand that ordering Americans into battle is the hardest decision, even when it is right. I have returned the salute of wounded soldiers, some with a very tough road ahead, who say they were just doing their job. I've held the children of the fallen, who are told their dad or mom is a hero, but would rather just have their dad or mom.
And I have met with parents and wives and husbands who have received a folded flag, and said a final goodbye to a soldier they loved. I am awed that so many have used those meetings to say that I am in their prayers ? to offer encouragement to me. Where does strength like that come from? How can people so burdened with sorrow also feel such pride? It is because they know their loved one was last seen doing good. Because they know that liberty was precious to the one they lost. And in those military families, I have seen the character of a great nation: decent, and idealistic, and strong.
The world saw that spirit three miles from here, when the people of this city faced peril together, and lifted a flag over the ruins, and defied the enemy with their courage. My fellow Americans, for as long as our country stands, people will look to the resurrection of New York City and they will say: Here buildings fell, and here a nation rose.
I'll believe it when I see it, but there is talk of pro-gay Anglican bishops being shut out of international conferences by the rest of the church. Those eligible for the shunning would include American Epsicopal primate Frank Griswold, and Canadian bishop Michael Ingham. This step is being touted as one that would avoid schism while still exercising some sort of disciplinary sanction on the renegade North American clerics. Dexter is skeptical. Pigs will be seen overhead in vee-formation before the notoriously loose Anglican communion gets its act together and takes a firm stand on a religious principle.
You want plain talk in a political speech? Try Democratic (!) Senator Zell Miller's barn-burner delivered at the Republican National Convention.
From the Ottawa Citizen comes a proposal for Liberals to separate public and party resources:
Liberal Senator Serge Joyal is calling on Prime Minister Paul Martin to put an end to the exclusive cocktail parties he holds at his official government residence for wealthy donors to the Liberal party, saying it violates the "spirit" of tough new political financing legislation.
He also criticized four native leaders who shelled out $15,000 -- more than half of which originated as a federal grant -- to charter a plane to attend Mr. Martin's party last week.
Mr. Joyal, who has an expertise in government ethics and participated in the debates that led up to the implementation of the financing law last year, said he was entitled to attend the gathering at 24 Sussex Drive . He declined, however, because he does not believe government property should be used for political purposes in the context of the new law, and said it is unfair to those citizens who support other parties but are not allowed access to 24 Sussex for similar events.
"To use the premises of a symbolic place like 24 Sussex or Stornoway ... or Harrington Lake or any of the other residences that belong to the nation -- in the context of the new legislation ... it should not be done," said Mr. Joyal.
"It's not forbidden in the legislation ... but in the context ... the spirit of the new legislation is to play even for everybody."
He said Mr. Martin should stick to meeting party faithful in public venues.
"Citizens get suspicious of advantages that other groups might have. We have to be mindful of that," he said.”
Dexter doffs his top hat to M. Joyal.
Comedian-turned-leftist-pundit Al Franken is calling on Americans to engage in a grand national shout to drive President Bush from office. As Bart Simpson once said of his friend Milhouse: "How can someone with glasses that thick be so stupid?"
